It was foggy out this morning. I like fog. Fog also tells me that camping weather is here. I have not been camping in a while and I am geared up for another trip. I love waking up in the woods when it is sheathed in fog. It makes it seem like a magical wonderland when I wander into some bushes to push out a big watery shit from the hot dogs and booze I consumed the night before.
This time before I go camping in Ocala I think I am going to take my GPS and go on a little scouting trip. Last time I went camping we thought we were deep in the woods, but it turns out we were actually rather close to civilization. The camping experience was ruined with ATV's roaring past the campsite every hour or so. I want to be a little deeper in the woods this time. Out there with the skunk apes and the windagos. I would also like to be next to a lake so I can take my scow out for a run. That would be kewl.
Circuit city did not have my phone. Actually several stores did not have my phone. I was pissed off because the website clearly says that I can order it and then go pick it up in the store. In fact, today I am going to do just that simply so I can go to the store and make a loud and annoying fuss when they say they don't have it in stock. "What?" I shall screech with infinite indignity, "I drove all the way out here and you don't HAVE it?". Oh yes, I will spend the rest of the day planning my little speech just to be nasty.
I discovered that microwaveable White Castle burgers taste exactly like fresh Krystal burgers. I do not know if that is a good thing.
Last night I briefly popped into that new little bar near my house just to have a couple of quick beers and see what it's like. It's a nice and cozy and laid back little bar, my only real gripe was they only have one beer on tap. However it's Yuengling, which is not a bad beer. Plus they have a ten dollar bottomless mug, which is something I will have to take full advantage of one of these nights. The beauty is my house is just a couple blocks away so I can stumble home.
The place was really dead when I went in there last night. All there was was the bartender and some older woman proudly bearing a salt-and-pepper mullet. Actually, I think she might have worked there as well. Women with mullets make me sad. I mean, a guy can actually accidentally grow a mullet... just get a men's hair cut but not cut the back. However, for a woman to have a mullet, they really have to work at it. They have to have the desire to have a mullet. Up on the little stage two guys played guitar and sang such timeless classic redneck rock tunes such as 'rambling man'. I refused to look at them. If I looked at them I might have had to clap my hands when they were done.
I went home to watch 'Ghost Hunters', but I fell asleep on the couch. Damn it.
http://images.quizfarm.com/1114844744mullet.JPG
2026 Update
I'm dialing back twenty years to catch Ed plotting a GPS escape from ATVs and a mullet bar.
This post is a perfect little fossil of 2006: Ed is packing a separate GPS unit so he can find wilderness, and his biggest retail meltdown is Circuit City failing to honor an online order. Now the GPS lives in his phone, the store is a ghost, and the wilderness is full of people broadcasting their campsite to strangers instead of just listening to ATVs. That ten-dollar bottomless mug sounds like a relic from a kinder, drunker age; now a bar charges you a cover just to stand near a single tap pouring something called 'hazy crushable.' And the mullet, Ed — it came back, but as a carefully curated ironic statement that costs more than your entire bar tab, not as a sad salt-and-pepper accident. You were furious about being 'rather close to civilization,' but now civilization follows you into the woods with Bluetooth speakers, drone delivery, and a livestream of someone's skunk ape hunt. You fell asleep before Ghost Hunters, and honestly? In 2026, falling asleep early is the only spiritual practice left.
“2006 Ed, did you ever actually deliver that indignant Circuit City speech, or did you chicken out and just buy the ten-dollar bottomless mug to mourn the phone that never was?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, you hit the nail right on the head, I reckon. I spent a good hour rehearsing my little tantrum in the car, all set to screech about the injustice of it all. But then I get to the counter, and this poor pimply kid with a name tag that said 'Tyler' just looks at me with those dead eyes, and I lost my nerve. I muttered something about 'checking the website' and shuffled out like a wet cat. So yes, I did chicken out. Then I did the only sensible thing a man can do when his dreams are crushed: I went to that little bar, plopped down my ten bucks for the bottomless mug, and drank enough Yuengling to make the phone seem like a distant memory. The mullet lady was still there, so at least I had something to stare at besides my own failure. Take that, Circuit City.
