I have a small nick on the side of one of my contacts, much like a chip on a plate. I would toss it out and put a new one in, except I am down to my last pair until I order some new ones. Which I would be doing right now if it was not for the fact that the banks had off on Monday and are taking their sweet ass time processing the check I put in their ATM machine.
Anyhow, the chipped contact does not actually hurt me, I can not even feel it. However I have noticed that when I put on a pair of sunglasses, the lens over the eye with the chipped contact will slowly but eventually fog up. I suppose the crack is causing some sort of moisture expulsion from my eye. I suppose if I left it in all the time the eye would slowly dry up and I would be walking around with what looks like a raw clam sitting in my eye socket. I should get some new contacts.
I have been eyeballing a few upcoming Florida events. One of them is the Florida renaissance festival, which takes place at Deerfield Beach, which is about 3 hours away from me. It is supposed to be a pretty big one and the website tempts me with such things as 'Sword fighters, minstrels, magicians, mud-beggars and wenches'. Yeah, that's right. Wenches. Who can turn down a wench? I will probably leave early one Saturday morning, drive down there, see the fair, and then crash somewhere. Either get a hotel room, or find a camping spot. I am leaning towards the camping spot. The weather has been great so far, and it is cheaper as well. Just sit back and fall asleep watching the stars, my belly full of turkey legs and mead and wench spit.
NOTE: I mentioned to a female friend of mine that I was going and if she wanted to go, and she said she did not because she would 'get hit on by nerds'. I simply had to mention that.
Next Saturday I am driving up to Ocala to spend some time visiting a friend. While I am up there I am going to search for the mysterious Ocala pyramid the covers the Ocala caverns. Apparently back in the 1950's, before some of the major Florida interstates were built, most of the roads going into central Florida led through Ocala. There was a tourist attraction there called the 'Ocala caverns'. I had never before heard of these. The attractions has long been shut down, and the cave entrance is now on private land, but I am sure no one will care if I sneak in for a peek at the Ocala pyramid.
I also need to check out 'Thrill Hill Road', the existence of which I have just recently been enlightened. Apparently it is some long, lumpy hilly road, which is really unusual for Florida. I have heard of 'Spook Hill' road, but not 'Thrill Chill'. It makes me wonder what other local wonders I am missing out on.
2026 Update
I'm dialing the infernal machine back 19 years to watch Ed fret over a chipped contact and dream of wenches.
Ah, 2007, when a man with a chipped contact lens had to physically deposit a paper check into an ATM and then wait for the bank to bless it like a medieval relic. Nineteen years later, people photograph checks with their phones while their eyes are fitted with contacts ordered from an app that delivers in two days—or, more likely, they're just wearing glasses because they've given up on the whole ordeal. The Florida Renaissance Festival still exists, but "wenches" is a word that now comes with a liability waiver, and the nerds Ed's female friend feared are now running the entire economy. The mysterious Ocala pyramid? Good luck sneaking onto private land now; everything is gated, camera'd, and possibly featured in a TikTok ghost-hunting video. And "Thrill Hill Road" is probably on a hundred driving blogs, graded by influencers. Ed's world was slower, foggier, and full of unvetted roadside wonders. I hate that I miss it.
“2007 Ed, did you really think a chipped contact would let your eye "dry up" like a raw clam, or was that just an excuse to keep wearing it because the bank hadn't processed your check yet?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2007 Ed: So, Beelzebubba, you've got me dead to rights. I don't honestly think my eye would shrivel into some raw clam sitting in my socket, but the image was too good to waste, and it made me feel better about being a cheap bastard. That check was sitting in the ATM machine like it was on vacation, and I was down to my last pair. I'm not proud. The fogging was real, though, every time I put on sunglasses it was like my eye was trying to steam up a bathroom mirror, and the chip was the only explanation I had. But the whole dry-up-and-die thing? That was me being dramatic. I do that. I once told my sister a paper cut would kill me if I didn't get a band-aid within the hour. So yeah, it was partly an excuse, but it also made for a better story than ‘I'm too broke to buy contacts.’ I stand by my choices, even the stupid ones.
