A while back I got the idea into my mind of setting up a pointless web page filled with google ads that will pay into my pocket. For 'filler' for my website, I programmed a bot to crawl the online catalog of a certain well known plumbing products company. It gathered up all the information and neatly filed it into a database listed by product name and description. I then wrote another program to turn the 2,000 or so entries into 2,000 web pages. All the pages had ads on them. I then chuckled like Mr. Burns and waited for google to crawl it. Then the money would flow.
Last night I got home and found a UPS mailing packet on my doorstop. I picked it up, walked inside, kicked a cat out of the way and tore it open, thinking it might be a present to myself that I had bought and forgotten about (it happens). However, no goody lay inside. Instead it was a packet of stern lawyerly papers demanding me to not only shut down the aforementioned website, but to turn over the domain name as well.
Oops.
Actually, I am impressed they found it that fast. They must have net-surfing watchdogs. I could stand on a soapbox and loudly proclaim the domain name is mine, but I not only do not care that much, I am not about to face a hoard of suited lawyers. Oh no, I run from them in fear like a good American.. So... it's all yours, certain plumbing company.
My ankles got chewed pretty badly when I went camping. I put the bug spray on everywhere, but I should have pulled off my socks and added it directly to my feet. As a result, the only bites I suffered are around my ankles and the top of my feet. They may be chiggers. Contrary to urban myths, chiggers are actually not some sort of bug that burrows under you skin and lay eggs. When I was in middle school, the area behind my house used to be full of woods and I would wander through them all the time. I got everything you can get in those woods, from poison ivy on my balls from taking a piss in the woods, to a bad case of chiggers. Once the chiggers bit me up so bad I could not sleep without waking up every few hours and squirting Windex on my legs (The ammonia stops itching for a while). At the time I was horrified that there might be actual bugs living under my skin and laying eggs and hatching and crawling out and making NEW bug bites.
Luckily it turns out they do no such thing. They are just little larva that bites you like any other bug, and then go away. There used to be a medicine called 'chiggeraid' (snicker) that you applied to the top of the bites. It was actually just nail polish. I thought at the time that it sealed up the bite and caused the bug inside of it to die or something. Now I know it was just sealing the bite from oxygen and thus not allowing it to itch.
Supposedly the best medication for the bites is a lotion that contains some sort of antihistamine. However, I have been using my own mixture on my bites. I had a bottle of spray on 'Watkins liniment spray' left over from when I had fallen off the roof. The spray consists of something like 95 percent alcohol and 5 percent menthol. I spray it on and I get a delightful stinging sensation, especially on the bites that I had scratched open. The stinging cancels out the itching feeling. Then, while my foot is still wet with this, I rub on some gold bond, which sticks nicely to the alcohol. I then seal the entire thing up in a sock. Aaah, not only itch free but it feels like I am walking through a cool stream all day.
http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/141608/200.jpg
While I apply this, one of my cats likes to sit under me and catch the loose gold bond that falls. He then rolls in it or lightly nips it. I do not know if it gets him high like catnip, or if he just enjoys the really strong scent. I doubt it could hurt him.
2026 Update
Nineteen years ago, Ed believed 2,000 bot-scraped plumbing pages were a moneymaking scheme. Let's visit.
Ah, 2007. Back then a man could still believe Google AdSense was a personal money printer, and the worst digital threat was a stern UPS envelope from a plumbing catalog's lawyers. Look at the world now, Ed. Content farms are so cheap they don't need your bot—they have bots writing bots, and the ads follow you around like lovesick demons. Domain disputes are automated; a lawyerly packet is now an email with a portal and a payment link. The whole notion of 'turning over the domain name' feels quaint, like surrendering a parchment deed. Also, your ankle pharmacy is a museum: nail polish as chiggeraid, 95% alcohol spray, Gold Bond sealed into a sock. We now have one-click creams, and people film themselves applying them for content. Cats still roll in weird powders, but the cat in your story is probably an influencer. The one constant is chiggers: they still bite, and 19 years later nobody has won the war. You just had better stories.
“2007 Ed, when you kicked the cat aside and found the lawyers' UPS packet instead of a forgotten present, did you spare one thought for the 2,000 pages of plumbing product porn you'd unleashed—or just spray your ankles and wonder if the cat was getting high on Gold Bond?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2007 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I’ll admit the first thought after the lawyer packet was mostly “dammit, there goes my empire,” followed closely by “how the hell did they find it that fast?” I didn’t exactly mourn the 2,000 pages of plumbing product porn—they were just filler, like a bad song you hum until something better comes along. I half expected a cease-and-desist from the toilet people, but I figured I’d get at least a few weeks of ad money first. Nope. Oops. So I let the domain go and went back to more important things, namely my chewed-up ankles and the mystery of my cat. Honestly, that cat rolling in Gold Bond is the most excitement I’ve seen all week, and if he’s getting high, more power to him—lord knows somebody in this house deserves a little break. The lawyers can have their website. I’m keeping my foot lotion.
