Today quite simply sucked. I rarely write about work due to
the fact it does not contain anything I would particularly want to
remember. Sometimes I wish I had a big switch installed on the
side of my head that would switch my brain between 'work' mode
and 'my real life' mode. When I get out of work at the end of the
day I would switch it to the HOME position and I would have no
memory or conscious thought about work. It would have simply been
a gray void that took up most of my day. I would not think about
it
I would not worry about it
it would simply not exist for me.
Once I got back to work in the morning I could flick the
switch back on
and all the mundane shit that I do all day long
would come flooding in again. On the same note I would not have
to think about what I was going to make for dinner
the stack of
bills I need to pay
or the pile of laundry that had been sitting
in the corner for so long that it was starting to reproduce and
little baby socks were wiggling across the floor.
Sometimes I regret getting into the field of computer. It
was natural for me
with my love of electronics
but in the
professional world it's just a non stop rat race. Once you master
some aspect of computers it immediately becomes obsolete. If I was
an architect or a construction worker I could say to my grand
kids: "Look Jimmy
that's SkyHigh tower
the most amazing tower in
the world. I helped to build it. So
In a way
a part of me will
live forever".
Instead I have to say "Jimmy
I spent most of my life
fooling with shit that is not only useless these days
but
pointless and no one gives a damn anymore." Jimmy will promptly
tell me I suck and that I am a useless old goat
and then I will
have to smack him for being such an insolent little shit. And
then they will throw me into a jail cell with a 400 pound monster
named Bruce who has a taste for cornholeing old men.
So I chug into work in the morning and do what I need to in
order to pay my bills
however I do not have to make any pleasant
memories out of it.
Regardless
today sucked. I am not going to get into the
details for the very reasons I just mentioned
however today was
a crappy day. Adding to my foul humor I currently have one of
those little painful invisible zits just inside my nose. You
cannot see it
and I cannot even feel it
at least until I shove
my finger into my nose and then suddenly feel a sharp needle prick
of pain as the zip presses into my tender nose epidermis. Oh
sure
the simple solution would to simply be to keep my finger
out of my nose
but better men then you have tried and failed.
I decided to crawl into bed early tonight and perhaps simply
pretend that this day did not happen. However
like icing on the
cake
I can smell a lizard rotting somewhere in my bedroom. I
will not be able to fall asleep until I find it's bloated little
corpse
so now I have to check under the bed and in nooks and
crannies until I locate it. Only then will I be able to fall
asleep.
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe while I am sleeping
some fairy will buzz into my room and see how miserable I was
and wave her little wand and cover me with a thin coating of
Teflon-like work-bullshit shielding. The next morning I would
cheerfully wake up and head into work and whatever work related
bullshit that got hurled at me would simply slide off and leave
me worry free and with a big smile like Bob the enzite guy.
One can only dream.
2026 Update
I dial the time machine back twenty years to catch Ed poking a nose zit and hunting a dead lizard.
Ah, 2006. A simpler time when a man could dream of a head-switch to erase work from his brain, and the worst tech crisis was that your computer skills became obsolete before you finished the certificate. Look at you, Ed, poking a zit in your nose and hunting a rotting lizard in your bedroom. Twenty years later, that imaginary switch exists, except it's called 'Do Not Disturb' and it doesn't block work chat apps from buzzing in your pocket. Your laundry still reproduces, but now it also arrives in cardboard boxes from delivery apps. And that cheerful supplement-guy smile? He's been replaced by a thousand apps selling you 'wellness.' You were right about one thing: nobody gives a damn about your old computers. But now your grandkid's phone has more power than your whole career, and it's still pointless. The rat race just got faster and better smelling — no more dead-lizard aroma to cover up the existential dread.
“2006 Ed, did you ever locate that bloated lizard, and when you finally smacked Jimmy for calling you a useless old goat, did it feel as satisfying as the work-switch fantasy?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I did eventually find the little bloated bastard, if you must know. He was wedged behind the dresser, all dried out and looking like a tiny gray raisin with legs. The smell was something else, let me tell you. I bagged him up and tossed him outside, and then spent another hour scrubbing my hands because I kept imagining the crunch. As for Jimmy, I haven't actually smacked him yet, mostly because he doesn't exist. But in my head? Oh, it felt glorious. I gave that imaginary little snot a good thump right upside his imaginary head, and he shut up real quick. It was almost as satisfying as flicking that switch and taking my mind out of work mode. Almost. The real Jimmy may show up someday, and then he better watch out. Anyway, tonight the bedroom smells like lemon cleaner instead of dead lizard, so that's a win.
