Saturday evening I drove up to Ocala and visited me friend K where she cooked a yummy dinner of lasagna and her husband shared his bottle of Absinthe. I was pleasantly surprised with absinthe. A long time ago I had gotten a bottle of anise seed liquor, and it was disgusting stuff. Since absinthe has anise in it I was expecting the same. Once I poured my shot in and then drizzled the ice water over the sugar cube to produce the milky-green concoction, I was a little doubtful. It looked like a glass of water that used toothpaste had been spit into. However after a sip I was mildly surprised. Despite being watered down it was still extremely strong. The anise taste was there, but it was mellow as opposed to sharp. And the entire drink numbed my tongue ever so slightly. Good stuff. I am defiantly going to order myself a bottle for the Suwannee Springfest.
The effects produced a mellow yet clear headed buzz and colors seemed ever so slightly brighter. I probably would have enjoyed it more, however we ended up watching a fantastically dull film called ’Across The Universe’ that was a rock opera based on Beatles music. I dunno, if you were a Beatles fan you might enjoy it, however I am so sick to death of 60’s we-were-so-much-groovier-then Vietnam protestor movies. Get over it already.
I crashed on their couch and shook the frames of their house with my snores and then drove on home the next morning.
Sunday my folks were brining their trailer over. They got a nasty-gram from the city of Oviedo telling them to move it, so they decided to stick it in my back yard. My mom arrived first and entered my house and immediately sent her settings to ’noseyness’. When she did not spot out any piles of blow or dead hookers she instead zoned in on a small pile of unwashed dishes in my sink. She hobbled over and stuck her hands into the pile and immediately started washing them. While doing so she asked me in a loud sarcastic voice ’Is your dishwasher broken?’. Sigh. Mothers.
My dad and uncle, after much shouting and maneuvering, parked the trailer in my back yard. I am not really pleased, but what can I do. I am officially declaring it my ’guest house’.
Sunday I spent a little time painting my vardo. I put on a couple of coats of green paint. I still plan ..ing the front a different color, but I decided I might as well give it a base coat of green. I have two gallons of green paint that I mixed up sitting in a bathroom waste basket that I paid $1.50 for at the Dollar General because I needed something to mix the paint in. So, I need to use as much of it as possible. A little stained glass window is going in the square hole I cut in the front. I am going to spend this week painting the inside. I still want some more cabinets inside, but at this point I am worried about weight, so I am going to wait and actually get it loaded into my truck to see how well it holds it before I make it even heavier.
Blah. I need some vacation days.
Green.
I dunno what alan was doing back there.
Me and K. Goddamn I’m a fat shit. I need warnings before images are snapped so I can suck in my gut.
2026 Update
Setting the dial to March 2008, where Ed sips milky-green absinthe and his mother performs dish-based espionage.
Ah, 2008: when a man could drink a milky-green glass of absinthe, snore through the walls of a friend's house, and drive home to find his mother elbow-deep in his sink. The world has traded that charming chaos for subscriptions. Absinthe is no longer a mysterious green spell you drizzle through sugar; it's an overpriced bottle that arrives via delivery app, already a 'craft cocktail experience.' Movie nights used to mean borrowing a DVD from a shelf, enduring a terrible rock opera just because the host liked it. Now you both scroll separately through ten streaming services and can't agree on anything. Backyard trailers? You called yours a guest house; now the city's drone has already filed a permit violation and your neighbors have a Yelp review for the 'ADU.' And that Dollar General bathroom waste basket you mixed paint in? Still exists, only now it's made of recycled laminate and probably comes with a subscription plan for trash. The one thing that hasn't changed: mothers still find one dish in the sink and turn it into a federal case.
“2008 Ed, what did you think the city would do when you parked your parents' trailer in the backyard and called it a guest house—did you expect them to be charmed, or was the absinthe still working its magic?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2008 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I wish I could say the absinthe was still doing the thinking, but that bottle was long gone by the time the trailer showed up. Truth is, I didn't think much of anything. The city of Oviedo sent my folks a nasty-gram, so they hauled it over here like it was a get-out-of-jail-free card, and I stood in my yard nodding like a damn fool. Calling it a guest house is just my way of pretending I have any control over the situation. Do I expect Sanford to be charmed? Hell no. I expect a letter in the mail with big scary words like “zone violation” and “remove immediately.” But for now, it’s my guest house, and it’s green, and I’ve got two gallons of paint to burn through. So let ’em come. I’ll offer the inspector a glass of mead and hope he’s easily distracted.
