This morning as I was sitting in traffic I eyeballed a car in front of me. It had one of those ‘In Living Memory Of...’ decals on their back window that turns a car into a roving memorial. I always thought those things were a bit tacky
although in some cases I can understand why. If someone had
say
bought the car out of the insurance money that came from someone else’s’ death
then I suppose someone would feel so guilty about the car that they would go to the decal shop and have Miguel squeegee on a vinyl eulogy.
Hey ‘vinyl eulogy’ would be a great band name.
Anyways
the thing about the decal that caught my eye this time is under the girls name it seemed to have two Japanese characters. After that it had her birth and date and in loving memory. I did not know what to make of the characters. I sped up and peered at the woman
but she did not look Asian. Just some older white lady. I began to wonder if the characters were something really cheesy... like ‘at peace’ or ‘serenity’ or something exactly like what millions of teens rush out to get tattooed on their ankle the night of their 18th birthday. It seemed to make a certain amount of sense; if someone is not religious but they want to express something spiritual
they may choose Japanese characters simply because they look exotic. But still
no matter how exotic something my look
it’s simply canceled out when its printed out at the auto shop and then pasted to your windshield.
My good buddy Profilic Panda send me a goodie package in the mail the other day. On top of there being movies
candy
toys and magnets with pictures of me on it
she also sent me a package of some ginger candy. It’s sort of like a gummi bear or taffy
but it’s made out of ginger. The stuff is really strong
too. The other day at mush gardens I had bit the side of my tongue on one of the rides. It was annoying
but no big deal; Just a little scrape. However
I then ate one of those ginger candies and it felt like my mouth was on fire
particularly where it entered the little cut. It was strong stuff
almost too strong
but strong and painful in a good way. Like taking a shot of whisky. Whoo! After it died down I ate another one. It’s really good stuff. I’ll have to find out where they sell it around here.
I wonder if ginger has any health benefits. (googlegooglegoogle) Hmm
it seems ginger can help with motion sickness. So I can spin around in my office chair for a few extra minutes today. Also
it is ‘It is thought to improve muscle tone in the gastrointestinal tract.’. How about that. I can chew on ginger and improve muscle tone. True
its muscle inside of me that no one can see
but it would be great for parties. Hey baby
I have a really toned gastrointestinal muscle.
I’m a little busy at work today. I am writing a bot that goes out and downloads all the PDF files found on a website. I feel a little guilty that someone took so much time and money to scan in files and catalog them
and then some smartass like me comes in and simply steals them. Oh well
that’s the business world. China does it all the time.
2026 Update
I'm dialing to 2006, where Ed interrogates dead-people decals and torches his tongue on ginger candy.
Behold the ancient web, where a man could glance at a stranger's car, speculate about her Japanese characters, then Google 'ginger health benefits' in real time, all from a desk that didn't also contain his entire personality. Vinyl eulogies have not vanished, but they've mutated: now the dead live on in profile pictures, tagged locations, and the occasional subscription-funded 'memory' that asks you to upgrade to remember your own mother. The ginger candy remains, but your phone would probably charge you a monthly fee for the 'premium burn.' Meanwhile, Ed feels guilty for writing a bot that downloads PDFs, as if that were theft, as if the digital world weren't about to become one giant automated content scraper. Oh, sweet summer child. Today the bots download not just PDFs but the people, the vibes, the last decade of your search history. And every car on the road has a decal for something — usually an ad for a delivery app. Ed's 'vinyl eulogy' at least had poetry. Now it's all 'MULCH PROS — AFFORDABLE YARD DEBRIS.' I miss the tackiness of meaning.
“2006 Ed, when you sped up to peer at that woman's memorial decal, did you consider that she might have been peering back at *you* — and did those two Japanese characters ever turn out to be anything less than exactly what everyone thought they were?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I never even considered she might be peering back at me. I was too busy squinting and creeping up like some kind of memorial decal detective. Probably looked like a real weirdo, but that’s par for the course. As for the Japanese characters, I never did figure it out. I kept meaning to ask around or look it up, but life got in the way, as it does. I’d like to think it was something deep and meaningful, but honestly it was probably just some cheesy word like “love” or “forever” that someone picked off a list at the decal shop. Or maybe it was a total mistake, like they meant to get “peace” and got “tofu” instead. I’ll never know. But I do know that ginger candy is great for motion sickness, so I’ll be spinning in my office chair extra long today. Take that, foul stomach.
