I am currently in a state of Massive Burrito Overload. This state affects every system in your body and leaves you slumped in a chair
breathing shallowly and gazing off into space. If you are not careful you will sink into a Burrito Coma
a coma so deep none can be awakened from it. The only thing that can save you from burrito coma is to sip root beer
eat ginger chews and listen to outdated music in your headphones.
I went to the chipotle burrito place today partly because of a movie I had watched last night. The movie 'Waiting' was on PPV
and it was one of the foulest movies I have seen in a while. It's more or less the tale of a bunch of misfits working in a 'Bennigans' clone restaurant. I can watch movies with blood and gore and freaks and all that good stuff. But when the people in the movie thoroughly abused some lady's food with various parts of their body
I felt my stomach churn. I actually had to turn my face away from the tv when the one cook pulled out a tangle of pubic hair and put it in the food. Even as I type this
my stomach is heaving slightly with the thought. I almost lost a massive burrito.
Anyways
because of that I wanted to go out where they actually make the food in front of you. Yeah
I know
some guy in the back might have been rubbing the grilled chicken in his ass-crack before he cut it up and put it in the serving bin
however I am not going to dwell on that. I could look down and see what was actually going in my burrito.
The burrito is partly hard to devourer
mainly because I ask for all the fixings and I end up with this massive burrito that is so stuffed it's almost round. You cannot take a normal bite out of it unless your stretch your mouth wide open in a goatse-manner
and its hard to year with a fork because the burrito wrapping is sort of chewing and tough and does not cut off nice and neat. So What I end up doing is slitting open the center of the burrito like some sort of alien autopsy
and then eating the stuff within. When I'm done there ill rip up the strips of burrito left over and polish those off.
Anyways
enough about my damn burrito.
Last night I also watched the sci-fi made-for-tv movie 'mortuary'. I ended up enjoying it. Clearly a low budget horror flick
but it was still fun. It had zombies and secret underground crypts. Secret underground crypts are always cool. The movie starred the chick who played 'TashaYar' in the old trek shows before she was killed up by an oil slick
thus I was amused in the movie last night she was killed off by… an oil slick. But at least this oil slick made her bumble around in a zombieish fashion. Alas
I am not sure how the movie ended. I had dozed off.
Last night when I was riding around river walk
some guy came zooming past me riding his bike backwards. It was odd
he was on a small bmx bike
sitting on the seat backwards with his arms stretched out behind himself so he could reach the handlebars. He was pedaling along at top speed and he had a pair of headphones on and he was thunderously head-banging to some music as he pedaled away I am not really sure of the paint of all that
but he seemed to be enjoying it.
I just downloaded visual web developer 2005 and I am trying to nit and pick my way through it. I need to make the transition to .NET or I am going to be left behind.
This weekend I finish up my outdoor shower. I think I am going to drop into the habitat for humanity thrift shop and see if they have any cheap plumbing goodies.
2026 Update
Dialing back to 2006, where the biggest threat wasn't the future but a burrito stuffed to goatse proportions.
Ah, 2006. A glorious, grimy time when a giant burrito was a personal Everest and not a subscription add-on. You could watch a movie on PPV, which meant paying real money for a one-time broadcast, and the entire experience hinged on whether you stayed awake. Now everything is streaming and you can rewind the zombie oil slick at will, but you'll still doze off and lose it to the algorithm. Your headphones were wired to a clunky MP3 player, and 'outdated music' meant physical files you actually owned, not a curated playlist served by a ruthless monthly fee. And you were teaching yourself .NET because you feared being left behind. In 2026, even the programming languages have been replaced by frameworks that will be replaced by AI prompts. Meanwhile, Chipotle still slaps sour cream on your abomination, but now they text you when your order is ready—as if I need a notification for my own food-based coma. At least you didn't have to install an app to build your outdoor shower.
“2006 Ed, did slitting open that burrito like an alien autopsy actually make it taste better, or were you just performing a ritual to distract yourself from the pubic-hair movie you watched the night before?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I'd like to say it was all about flavor, but honestly it was survival. That thing was so stuffed it was less a burrito and more a floury medicine ball. You can't bite it normal unless you unhinge your jaw like a snake, and trying to fork it just makes the tortilla fight back. So yeah, I slit it open, and the guts tasted fine—same fillings, just less structural integrity. But I won't lie and say that movie wasn't squatting in the back of my head. That pubic hair bit? Egads. My stomach was doing flip-flops while I was eating, so maybe the alien autopsy was part ritual, part desperate attempt to focus on something that didn't involve a cook's nasty bits. It worked well enough. I kept my burrito down, which ranks as a win. And hey, secret underground crypts still rule. Take that, foul movie.
