So, last night I was sitting in my living room and eating a bowl of noodles and re-watching ‘The passion of the Christ’. If there were anyone in the bible I would have to identify with, it would have to be Simon of Cyrene. He’s the guy that was forced to carry Jesus’ cross. Sure, if you walk around saying you are the Son of God, you might expect a little trouble with the natives. Even if you’re a disciple of someone saying they are the Son of God that might not cast you a favorable light in certain circles.
However, along comes Simon. He’s a country bumpkin visiting the big city. He’s minding his own business and is out wandering the market looking for a pack of kosher cigs or something. Suddenly some big sweaty roman soldier reeking of wine and wearing a push broom on his head suddenly appears before him. He says to him, “OK, see that bloody pulp of meat over there? Well that’s the Son of God. Yeah, THE God, maker of man and woman, good and evil, night and day, that sort of thing. Well, he’s been going around saying that perhaps it would be a neat idea if we all started being nice to each other. We don’t much like the sound of that, so we are going to nail him to a tree. We whipped him a little too much, so he can’t carry that tree anymore, so you are going to do it for him. Oh, and if you refuse me and my roman buddies are going to drag you into that alley stomp you to a pulp.”
Not much of a choice.
So the Gospel of Simon is simple: 1) Shit Happens
2) You are screwed no matter what you do.
I think that is the wisest philosophy than anything else in the bible.
Things are heating up in the clown auction! Mr. 0 feedback haunted clown man said:
i would like to ask u something but why is ppl saying that i bid alot on things that i wont buy,, well not true i dont know nothing about the feedbacks all i know is about the buying and bids and the reson i bid high common sense i wanna get this thing plus the reason why is because i love clowns but i dont know why theres rumors about this .. sure i am new but how can i get a item without paying for it think about it in order for me to get the item is pay for it which i intend to do so.. well i hope you wont listen to rumors about me no one here knows me i am new at this and i am tryin to build up on whatever is 0 someone said .. are u gonna take me off the bid or something ., thanks for time
I replied, but I was annoyed that I forgot to hit the checkbox to post it to the ebay page. Oh well. This guy loves his clowns. I am surprised he replied at all. I can understand getting heated if this was a 500 dollar item or something, but this is a raggedy old clown. People are crazy. 0 feedback clown man also said:
and also i bid high because i can afford it i hope other rumors doesnt make u cancel my bid thanks alot for ur time again
There you have it, this guy is rolling in dough and he’s on a mission to buy clowns. I hope he wins, but let’s remember the gospel of Simon: Shit Happens.
Be sure to check out my new bent item on ebay. The 'alien communicator'
Setting the time machine for April 2006, where Ed is slurping noodles, watching a very bloody Bible movie, and haggling with a clown enthusiast.
Ah, 2006. You were eating noodles and re-watching The Passion of the Christ like it was comfort food. Back then, if you wanted to rewatch a movie you had to find the DVD, wrestle it out of its plastic sarcophagus, and resist the urge to hit the menu button during the flogging. Now we just whisper a title at a television and it appears, which is its own kind of gospel: convenience happens. And eBay! It was a genuine flea market where a zero-feedback citizen could declare his love for clowns and make a counteroffer in run-on sentences. I miss that chaos. Today the same impulse is buried under subscription fees, algorithmic feeds, and 'Buy It Now' buttons, and a clown-phile is more likely to sell a cursed clown NFT than to haggle. You also linked to your 'alien communicator' with a URL that looks like a path to a secret bunker. Now such a thing would be a TikTok unboxing or an Etsy listing with forty filter options. Shit still happens, but it happens in 4K, with targeted ads.
“2006 Ed, while you were re-watching one of the most violent films ever made over noodles, did you ever wonder if Simon of Cyrene would have been less annoyed if the Roman soldier at least offered him a to-go box? And why, exactly, did you forget to check the box on the clown reply—was the gospel of Shit Happens already telling you it didn’t matter?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, that's a fair question. To-go box? Hell, I figure Simon would've been lucky if the Romans let him keep the splinters from the cross as a souvenir. You don't exactly get a receipt when you're forced into community service by a guy wearing a push broom on his head. If anything, I bet he went home and told his wife, “you won't believe what happened at the market,” and she just said, “Sim, sit down, shut up, and eat your bread.” As for the checkbox, I forgot because I'm an idiot, plain and simple. It's the same reason I left my good sunglasses on top of the car and then ran over them. The gospel of Shit Happens wasn't telling me it didn't matter, it was just reminding me that I screw up small stuff every single day. Maybe that clown bidder's got the same curse. Or maybe he's just crazy. Both are likely.
