Orlando Weekly Article





This morning I read an article in the 'Orlando Weekly' a
local newspaper on culture and events. The article in question rather
annoyed me it sounded like a lame excuse of a sob story for some punk.
The article can be found here:

http://www.orlandoweekly.com/features/story.asp?id=10605


Annoyed I sent this to the editor:


What exactly was the point of this punks sob story?



How about some thoughts from the guy who's car he

stole and smashed up?



I usually really enjoy your articles but this one was

pretty lame. The last thing I want to read is some

reporter being used as some loser's 'down-on-my-luck'

mouthpiece.


I was surprised to receive a rather lengthy reply:


Mr. Heffernan



I appreciate you writing in. Feedback - positive or negative - is
always
nice to receive (hey at least you're reading the story right?).

If I had to single out a "point" to this story it would be this: not
every
crime is committed by a hardened criminal. When I read small stories in
the
paper about a car chase I immediately label the suspects as bad guys
but
that's a categorization that lacks context. The context of this story
is
that the kid hadn't done anything wrong before his parents split up. He
had
supervision and if he did anything wrong he had the appropriate
consequences. Smoke weed you're grounded. Talk back you're in big
trouble.
As soon as his parents split up this kid didn't have anybody to tell
him
something was wrong.

Now your response will be that he should have known what was wrong and
he did. He told me that he knew everything he was doing at the time was
wrong.



But come on when you're 17 does right/wrong come in to play when
you're having fun? I'm not talking about him killing anyone for fun - he was
driving a stolen car. He didn't need to know if something was right or
wrong. He needed someone to step in when he first acted out but he
didn't have anyone that cared one bit about him. There are some kids out there
who can have no supervision and go on to lead completely productive lives.
Other kids - and I would contend most kids - need someone (anyone) that will
guide them through rough times.

Having said all that I'm actually glad he got jail time because I
think he needs some institutionalization to let him calm down and think about
where he really wants his life to go. I guess when I was writing the story I
thought about all the really stupid things I did when I was 17. But I
had two loving parents who stepped in and whooped my ass when I did those
things. If they were never there would I have kept doing stupid things
and become a "punk" or a "loser " as you call Mr. Robach? I don't know. But
that question is what this story was about.

I'm guessing by your email that you will still not agree with what I
have written above which is fine. I hope you continue to read my stories in
the future and always write in if you feel strongly one way or the other.

May we print your letter? If so what city are you writing from?

Thanks again.

James


James Carlson
Staff Writer
Orlando Weekly
100 W. Livingston St.
Orlando FL 32801
407.377-0400 x 235
407.377.0420 fax

I replied with:


 


Hello. Thank you for the response; it was a
pleasant surprise.


 I do read the Orlando Weekly regularly
and as I said I normally enjoy your columns. However I am afraid I will
have to disagree with you on this one. I simply do not accept the ‘My
mommy and daddy split up and so I do not know right from wrong.’ Most
people with an ounce of common sense can pick up basic moral values in
kindergarten. I am pulling these stats out of my ass but I am going to
say that the vast majority of people with split up parents know it is
wrong to steal a car.


 What could have turned this young man
around? Jail time? Counseling? I do not know. That is a vast question that
is admittedly beyond my scope of education and experience. However any
excuses he has for his behavior will sound hollow to my ears. There is
only one person who is going to help this young man and that’s himself.


 Feel free to print my letter I am
located in Sanford. The city where if you drive a stolen car ‘the
police suck’.


 -Ed


Just my personal opinion.


 







Beelzebubba the Third, woodcut devil, seated at the controls of an antique brass time machine inside a circular engraved emblem

2026 Update

I'm setting the machine for twenty years ago, when Ed fired off a letter about a punk's sob story.

Ah, 2006. The era of the alt-weekly, when a man with a grudge and an email address could get a thoughtful personal reply from a staff writer named James. Now that same letter would be one anonymous comment among thousands, probably under a post about 'the game is rigged.' Ed's moral certainty is adorable—kindergarten morals, he says, as if stealing a car is a sudden gap in the curriculum. Meanwhile the world now has podcasts about every crime, true-crime docs, and phones that record every meltdown. The paper itself has been swallowed by a website that asks you to disable your ad blocker. Ed's 'common sense' carried him straight from a stolen car story to calling the kid a punk in print, and the editor's careful sociology bounced off him like water off gray laminate flooring. Twenty years later, we've replaced letters to the editor with argument threads and replaced the editor's voice with the algorithm's shrug. Ed, you absolute fossil, you wrote 'the city where if you drive a stolen car the police suck'—a proud slogan for a town with no tourism board.

“2006 Ed, you say there is only one person who is going to help this young man and that's himself—but you also mailed your complaint to the editor, so why did you think the editor's response deserved another reply while the kid gets zero? Did you ever wonder what your own letters would look like to a future editor?” — Beelzebubba the Third

2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, I reckon that’s a fair question, and it’s got me feelin’ like a bug under a glass. I wrote the editor back because he was the one who took the time to write me a real letter, not some “my parents split so I stole a car” excuse. That kid didn’t owe me anything, I guess, but he owes the guy whose car he smashed up a lot more than a sob story. The editor got a reply because he asked me a question like a grown-up, and I figured I’d answer it. The kid? He needs to answer to himself, not to me. As for my own letters to a future editor... hell, they’d probably be a six-paragraph rant about somebody’s lawn flamingos and a dead cat on my porch. And I’d deserve it, too. (Yes, I know. Shocking. I too am stunned.) Anyway, take that, foul punk.

AI-reconstructed scene from this post, featuring Ed, 2006
AI reconstruction of this post · generated 2026

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