I bought an enormous amount of crappy frozen food last night. I have been playing with the Albertson’s online specials thingy. It shows the Sunday flyer, and you can click on the things you want to buy and when it’s done it prints out a list for you. Albertson’s was having a number of $10 for $10 deals, so I decided to load up on cheap crap. Little crappy pizzas, bagel bites, pizza rolls, and little microwaveable dinners. A number of burrito’s. Those enormously obese people you see waddling around Wal-Mart or overflowing those little scoot-abounds? This is what they eat. However, I am trying to save a little cash this month so it’s cheap food on the menu.
The cash register lady was impressed when my sale rang up as $30 of savings. That’s right, I impressed a cash register lady. One day I shall tell my grandkids.
This morning when I sent out an email on yahoo mail, yahoo asked me to confirm I was a human by using those distorted-text boxes. However, I think they have some sort of subliminal republican campaign going on, because this was what I saw:
Why, yes, I AM for the NRA!
I looked up the dragon on google maps, so now I know exactly where it is. I have no clue how old the photographs are on google satellite, however you can just make out the dragon sitting on the very most southern point of Merritt Island. A private residence seems to take up the entire breadth of the peninsula. I might have to borrow my father’s binocular-camera to get a shot.
Tonight I am going to try a steakhouse. There is a little steakhouse in Sanford that I have passed about a million times. It looks a little run down, but I have never actually been in it. However, every weekend there is a bunch of cars in the parking lot so, who knows, maybe it’s a diamond in the rough. I shall report my find tomorrow.
Next week is the tax-relife on hurricane items. Tax is not that much, but it’s a couple of bucks. Personally I am going to go to BJ’s and buy a large number of ‘AA’ sized batteries. I might pick up some tarp as well. I wonder if an I-po is considered a ‘radio’ The Items on sale:
* Flashlights and portable, self-powered light sources — $20 or less
* Portable radios, two-way radios and weather-band radios — for $50 or less
* Flexible waterproof sheeting (tarps) — $50 or less
* Gas or diesel fuel containers — $25 or less
* Batteries — $30 or less
* Non-electrical food storage coolers — $30 or less
* Portable generators — $1,000 or less
* Carbon monoxide detectors — $75 or less
* Storm shutter devices — $200 or less
· Cell phone batteries — $60 or less
Twenty years back, and Ed is hoarding microwave burritos while Google Maps reveals a dragon.
Twenty years later, Ed, your entire evening is a museum exhibit. The Albertson's system wasn't even ordering—it was a digital coupon-clipping service that produced a paper list. Now, the delivery algorithm sends a stranger to my door with a bag of 'equivalents' and charges me a subscription for the privilege of being upsold. The CAPTCHA used to embarrass you with a surreal slogan; now it just tracks my mouse twitches and gives me a green checkmark. Google satellite was a grainy god's-eye view from some unknown date; now I can watch the dragon's parking lot fill up in near-real-time to guess whether the steakhouse is worth a visit. The cash register lady? Replaced by a kiosk that asks if I want a donation. I used to think the cheap frozen burrito was the low point. No—the low point is that I now pay a monthly fee to feel that way.
“2006 Ed, why did you trust a full parking lot over your own instincts about that run-down steakhouse, and did you ever actually walk in—or did the cheap frozen burritos from Albertson's keep you from ever needing to know?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Ahh, good question. See, in Florida a full parking lot means either the food’s worth eating or there’s a flea market in the back room, so I let hope beat my instincts. That steakhouse looks like a cardboard box with a neon sign, but at some point you gotta trust the herd. As for walking in, I haven’t done it yet—tonight’s the night. I got a pocket full of coupons and a stomach full of cheap pizza rolls, but I’m still going. If it sucks, I’ll just blame the parking lot and waddle home to my bagel bites. And yes, I impressed a cash register lady. That’s basically a highlight of my month. I’ll report back tomorrow, assuming I don’t get food poisoning. Then it’ll be a whole different kind of report.
