This batman digital camera sure is cheap. I have played with some cheap digital cameras in my time.. in fact I like some of them. They are just neat toys to play with if you do not kid yourself about the quality. But this cheap little batman camera just takes the cake. It’s not just the bad pictures; it’s the whole camera operation. I took a couple of pics with it last night, however I accidentally plugged in the wrong cable and as a result lost the Images. Grr.
Apparently there was a really nasty accident on I4 yesterday. I was caught in the traffic for a little while. I was confused because usually when there is an accident your car eventually passes it and then you can just sort of rubberneck a little before you drive on. Last night they were routing traffic off of I-4 long before you saw any sign of the accident. Turns out it was a particularly horrible one. Some guy flipped his SUV 12 times, got ejected from it like a missile, slammed into another car and then got ripped in half. Yes, in half, as in all over the road. I’m pretty glad I did not see that.
I swear I am going to start calling that stretch if I-4 the ‘meat grinder’. Just a couple of months ago some guy threw himself off a bridge into traffic. It was early in the morning and dark out and people just kept driving over the body until there was nothing left but a few chunks and a smear. That part of the road must be built on cursed Indian land.
Speaking of raw meat, I finally tried that steakhouse out in Sanford. Its once of those places I have driven by for years to the point I can’t even remember it’s name. It turned out to be great. Not a fancy place, just a run of the mill yea old redneck steak house. Potatoes and a big ol’ slab of meat. My steak was done to perfection, I could not complain at all. There was even a cheerful statue of a three-foot miner fourty-niner in the room.
The steak house has one of those gluttony deals where if you buy some massive 31 ounce steak and eat it under an hour, it’s free. They have a wall covered with photos of the people who have done it. I wandered over and peeked and I was not surprised at all to see it was mainly skinny people who had done it. Skinny people have more flex to their stomach or something. Like that little Laotin guy who wins hot dog eating contests.
The deal at this place is you have to call ahead of time, give a 20-dollar deposit and you have one hour and 15 minutes to eat it. If you finish it (and a salad and a potato) it’s free, if you do not its $45. I am going to have to chalk that up on my ‘List of stupid things I have not done yet, but probably am going to’. I would have to fast for 2 days ahead of times, except for gruel or some something else that passes through your system fairly quick, and when I go I would have to wear sweatpants. Expandable you know. Beforehand I would have to do some sort of isometric stomach-stretching exercises. I might have to consult some pregnant women.
Setting the dial for May 2006: cheap Batman cameras, I-4 road carnage, and a 31-ounce steak with my name on it.
Ah, 2006: the year a grown man could buy a Batman digital camera, lose the photos to a mystery cable, and blame the layout of I-4 on cursed Indian land. That last bit, Ed—no. Just no. But look how far we've come. The cheap digital camera has been murdered by the phone in your pocket, which now takes photos so good you could post them before the ambulance arrives. Wrong cables are a relic; now you just lose everything to a cloud account you forgot the password to. Traffic accidents produce instant rerouting from apps instead of confused rubbernecking, though the "meat grinder" energy lives on in every anonymous highway. And the steakhouse challenge? Still thriving, except the wall of Polaroids is now a TikTok hall of fame, and the deposit is probably double because someone figured out shrinking appetites are no match for shrinking attention spans. The 31-ounce steak remains a monument to human denial, with or without sweatpants. You'd fit right in, Ed—just don't bring the Batman camera.
“2006 Ed, what made you think a Batman-branded digital camera was a good idea, and did losing those images to a wrong cable finally teach you to label your cords?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Ahh, Beelzebubba, you ask the hard questions. First off, I have no clue what made me think a Batman digital camera was a good idea. It was cheap, it was Batman, and my brain just sort of shut off. I mean, I also bought a $20 Aiptek pocket cam and convinced myself it was a 'tool for documenting my life.' So clearly my judgment ain't what you'd call sound. The pictures were bad, the operation was clunky, and the whole thing felt like a toy from a Dollar General. But I'm a sucker for anything with a bat logo on it. As for the cable, hell no, I didn't label my cords. That would make too much sense. Now I've got a drawer full of mystery cables and I play a game called 'Is this the camera cable or the phone charger?' It's a fun game, and I always lose. So no, the Batman camera taught me nothing, and I'll probably lose another batch of pictures to a wrong cable soon. Take that, foul germs.
