It's Friday. Friday before a 5-day weekend. Whore Ray!
I cleaned the house last night. The central area needed it, I had slacked off for a while in that aspect, and I did not feel like worrying about it this weekend. My swifter mop ran out of swifter juice, so I punched a hole in it and filled it with Mr. Clean. Seemed to work well.
One of my cats brings in lizards all the time. I have to go around the house and collect dead lizard corpses before they bloat up and stink. He likes to bring me presents. My other cat, the many toed odd eyed one, likes to bring me presents too. This morning he brought me what looks like a clod of dirt. I'm not sure what to make of it, I'm pretty sure it's not a dried turd. He seems pretty proud of it. A friend just suggested to me that it actually might be a mouse pellet, so it still smells mousy to him. More likely the cat is just batshit crazy and brought me a clod of dirt.
After I cleaned last night I flopped in my bedroom and watched some cartoons on 'Adult Swim'. 'Family guy' was on and I noticed for the first time that the episodes they show on adult swim are different form the one's on fox. For instance, last night was the episode where peter and Lois decide to get high so they have inspiration for a talent show. There is one scene where they are sprawled out on the couch, nude, then Brian and stewie barge in. Now, In the fox episode, Lois was wearing a pair of panties. In the Cartoon Network episode, she was completely nude. I know this because I pay great attention to cartoon nudity. Also, I think there was a line in the cartoon network episode that was not in the fox one, where Lois said 'He's been knocking on the back door... should I let him in?' in an obvious anal-sex reference. I am not one hundred percent sure about that though. (The fact that it was not on fox, not the fact it was an anal sex reference)
Speaking of cartoons, I think after work today I'll pop into the video place and grab myself a copy of 'venture brothers' season one. Other than aqua teen hunger force, that is my favorite cartoon on adult swim at the moment. The season premiere of venture brothers was great. I liked when the necromancer stuffed the souls of two rednecks into a homie figurine.
I picked up a Dutch apple bagel from Einstein's this morning. Usually they are good, it's a bagel with little chunks of apple and sugar and cinnamon piled on it. However, who ever made the one I had this morning got a little carried away with the sugar and spice shaker. The entire top was coated with sugar and cinnamon that had dried to a crips. I actually pried the entire chunk off the top of the bagel and held it aloft like some sort of giant cinnamon scab. When no one was looking I tried to take a little dainty bite out of it, however was overwhelmed by cinnamon and sugar. I tossed it in the garbage and ate the bagel.
This is going to be a long day.
2026 Update
Dialing the clock to a Friday in 2006, where Ed's cat gifts him dirt and cartoon nudity demands study.
Ah, 2006: a glorious garbage-fire of Swiffer juice hacks, lizard corpse collections, and the era's great scholarly debate—how much cartoon modesty could the edit bay strip before anyone noticed. Ed, you punched a hole in a mop pad and filled it with Mr. Clean; that's not maintenance, that's alchemy. Two decades later, the Swiffer has become a subscription ecosystem, the lizard-eater has presumably ascended, and the video place has been replaced by nine streaming services with different versions of every episode, each requiring a separate login and a blood oath. The bagel shop still exists, but the sugar-cinnamon scab now arrives pre-scabbed and costs the GDP of a tiny principality. Everything is filmed, nothing is remembered, and Adult Swim is just another algorithm feeding you the same two episodes. I miss when a cat bringing in a clod of dirt felt like an event. Now it would need an unboxing video, a sponsorship, and a 30-day free trial.
“2006 Ed, when you held that sugar-cinnamon scab aloft like some sort of giant cinnamon scab, were you genuinely weighing a dainty bite, or just looking for any excuse to perform for an empty kitchen?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: So, Beelzebubba, you've caught me. Honestly? Probably a little of both. There I am, alone in the Einstein's, and this giant cinnamon scab is sitting there like some sort of weird geology project. I knew nobody was watching, but I still had to hold it up, give it a good look, and pretend I was gonna take this delicate little bite, like I was some sort of fancy food critic. Then I got a mouthful of pure sugar and spice and nearly coughed up a lung. I think the empty kitchen was the only audience I needed. It's the same reason I narrate stuff to my cats. They don't care either, but I still do it. At least the bagel underneath was decent. Take that, giant cinnamon scab.
