And thus another 9-11 anniversary rolls around. In 2001 at this time I was a bum with no job. I had rolled out of bed and gotten on my computer to check out the latest round of resume rejections. To my annoyance I could not log onto yahoo mail. In fact the entire Internet seemed to be slow. I did not know it at the time, but it was swamped with a billion people logging on at once to send email or check news sites. I flipped on the television and watched in amazement and horror. And anger.
I am still amazed at the people who think this was actually orchestrated by the bush administration. It would be nice to dismiss these folks as a few wackjobs, but the number of them is alarming. I am reminded of a documentary I was watching last night on Bin Laden. After the 9-11 attacks the Taliban said Bin Laden was no longer under their protection. Go ahead and come get him they more or less said. However, the US really had no Idea where he was. The Taliban just assumed the US would send out one of their secret Black Helicopters and that we already knew his exact position.
This is the mindset that conspiracy theorist fall into, that the US government has secret and near godlike powers. They see all and they know all. Thus the only way 9-11 could have happened is if they allowed it to happen. I don't buy it. The government is just made out of...people. Oh to be sure they have a vast amount of intelligence and unquestionable amount of convert operations, however they are not omnipotent. The people in the government get a lot of their information the same way we do... they read it in a newspaper.
Some conspiracy advocates seem to state, without actually saying it, that it was impossible for a raggedy band of people to cerograph such an elaborate hijacking. Let me rephrase that, its impossible for a number of little BROWN people to be able to pull this off. There, we have that out in the open now. Only a sophisticated and all-powerful (white) entity like the US could have pulled such a thing off. I simply do not buy it. The government is not all powerful, it does not have secret agendas involving freemasons and jews, its just people plodding along like the rest of us.
In other fun news Florida apparently got hit with an earthquake. What? Florida? If last week someone had told me there could be an earthquake in Florida, I would have flat out not believed him or her. We are not sitting on any plate tectonics or any of the other geological feathers that I learned in grade school that caused earthquakes. I myself did not feel anything, however I think at 11 in the afternoon I was either on the road in my car or at biglots peering at a can of Vienna wieners and convincing myself not to buy it. Even if I was at home and it happened I probably would not have thought anything. I live in a bungalow home, which means it has a wood floor raised over the ground. I feel vibrations all the time that shake my house, from airplanes roaring overhead to thunder to the garbage truck emptying the dumpster across the street.
Since there are earthquakes in Florida, I now wonder about the existence of the 'Wakulla Volcano', a mythical volcano that is supposed to reside somewhere in the Florida swamplands. People used to say they saw volcano-like smoke coming out of the swampland, not a little column of smoke but a huge one bein seen as far away as Tallahassee and the gulf of Mexico. However it mysteriously disappeared after 1886, right after the great Charleston earthquake. Apparently the quake covered the Volcano.
Modern geologist says there is no volcano in Florida. But, hey, if the Government caused 9-11, maybe there really is a volcano out in the swamp somewhere. Why are they hiding it? Why do geologist hate America?
I bought a rice cooker over the weekend from Big Lots. I am highly pleased with it. For some reason, I am unable to properly cook rice. Real rice, not instant rice. I either under cook it and leave it feeling gritty, or I over cook it and turn it into mush or I flat out burn the rice on the bottom of the pot. Plus once I put the pot on I have to watch it like a hawk to make sure I am not burning or boiling or what have you. The rice cooker made it easy, just dump in the rice and water and a half an hour to forty minutes later I have a big bowl of hot fluffy rice. I do not have to watch it or anything.
I am easily pleased.
2026 Update
Twenty years ago today, Ed is dodging 9/11 memories, chasing a mythical volcano, and bragging about a rice cooker.
Ah, 2006. The internet was slow because too many people were trying to use it at once, not because a million algorithms were feeding them all bespoke apocalypses. You sat in your bungalow, felt the house shake and assumed it was an earthquake, then pivoted to wondering if the government was hiding a volcano from you. Now we all feel our houses shake and immediately check a phone app that tells us it was a truck. The rice cooker still exists, but you'd probably need to subscribe to a 'smart rice' service to unlock fluffy mode. Your conspiracy theorists have moved from campfire speculation to personalized video feeds, and they no longer have the decency to admit the racist engine under the hood. You at least called it out before wading right back into your own swampy mythology. The one thing that hasn't changed: the urge to buy a cheap gadget from Big Lots and declare your life complete. Also, you can still burn rice if you try hard enough, even with the machine.
“2006 Ed, why were you at Big Lots on a 9/11 anniversary talking yourself out of Vienna wieners and into a rice cooker? Was your plan to dodge all that history by outsourcing patience to a countertop appliance?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2006 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, you make it sound like I was trying to hide from history, but really I was just hungry and cheap. Big Lots is my natural habitat; a man can’t be expected to mourn properly on an empty stomach, and Vienna wieners are a trap. They look like a bargain, but then you’re standing in the aisle thinking, “Do I really want to eat a can of meat that’s been sitting there since the last administration?” So no, I wasn’t dodging anything. I was just exercising restraint, which is rare for me. And the rice cooker? That’s not outsourcing patience, that’s buying a tiny miracle. I’ve burned rice, mushed rice, undercooked rice, and stood over the pot like a fool. Now I push a button and it does the thinking. It’s a good day when an appliance understands you better than you understand yourself. Take that, history.
