I am tired of sweating. It's not particularly hot out (well, its hot, but I have felt hotter) but the humidity is oppressive. I was puttering around in my back yard yesterday, and I was getting annoyed because the sweat would just start pouring from my forehead. I did not want to wear a hat, because that just makes it hotter, and I have a faggy little sweat band somewhere, but it has been engulfed by my every growing heap of laundry. Eventually I compensated by simply not getting anything done. I squatted inside in front of the A/C and watched television.
For some reason PPV has been showing 80's movies. Over the weekend I caught 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High'. It has been ages since I saw that movie unedited. There was a lot more nudity than I recalled, particularly in the pool-house sex scene where the 15-year-old girl went and got herself pregnant. I was also annoyed at the end when the nerdy guy decided he was buddies again with the dude who porked the girl he had a crush on, got her pregnant, and then skipped out on taking her to the abortion place. They just did an 80's high-five and everything was cool again. Radical Dude!
Some time over the weekend I stopped into the crack-head gas station near my house to grab a pack of smokes. I have been hit up for money at this place more than any other times. Various crack heads with sob stories and one lady who told me her mom had a heart attack and she did not have enough gas to get to the hospital. (When I asked which hospital, she did not know). So the other day I was walking out and back to my car when some girl in the car next to me started calling a question to me. I did not have my hearing aid on, so I wandered over to see what was up. She then proceeded to tell me some odd story about how she had just put gas into her car, but the gas needle did not move, and she really needed some gas and if I could give her two dollars. She then burst out crying. Crying women always make me uncomfortable, and I happened to have two dollars in my hand, so I tentatively handed it to her and inched away. The tears miraculously dried up. Amazing what two dollars can do.
She had a faded sun-bleached photo of a dog glued to her dashboard.
I also stopped in the trashy dollar general next to my house to pick up some cleaning solution for a house cleaning that I never seemed to get around to doing this weekend. While I was waiting in line there was some little kid in front of me, apparently buying stuff for his mom who was waiting in the car. The cashier rang up the product and the kid did not have enough money. He looked up wide eye at the cashier, and the insufficient amount of cash in his hand, and a wary look crossed his face. He then bolted out the door without a word. The cashier sighed and canceled his order and put the bags to the side. Just as my purchases were being bagged up, he sheepishly reappeared with a larger bill in his hand.
I need a fan, the kind that swishes back and forth. Get a little circulation going in my house. I have a ceiling fan in my living room, however I have been growing more and more suspicious that it does not actually do anything except feebly spin around. It is not actually moving air; it's like some sort of steal fan. Spins around for show but no actual circulation takes place. Floor fans are cheap, but I sort of do not like the way they look. I am snobby like that.
I met a friend at red lobster a few nights ago. Red lobster seems to have gone downhill a bit. Now, I never thought of red lobster as being a 'fancy' restaurant. However, I rather thought of it as being the sort of place you would wear pants to. I also thought of it as being somewhat quiet, the kind of place you can have a quiet conversation as opposed to having to shout. An 'indoor voice' place. Apparently it now ranks on the same scale as a Denny's. We went inside and it was packed… packed on a Thursday night. Filled with wearing shorts and muscle shirts with screeching kids zipping too and fro.
The first time I ordered a drink it came with a fly in it. They took it away and brought me another one, but to be honest I am actually curious if they really made me a new drink, or if someone simply picked the fly out. I also had some sort of confusion with the waitress. I was in the mood for some surf and turf. When she took my order I pointed out which of the two steaks I wanted. When my meal finally arrived, there was no steak. I asked where my steak was and the waitress blinked and said 'You wanted a steak?'. Now I am hard of hearing and I am used to miscommunications, however I have no idea what I could have done to indicate that I did not want the steak. Then, later on when the bill came, they still charged me for the steak. I pointed out that my steak had never arrived. The waitress then tried to tell me that the lobster I had gotten was really some sort of special extra-large lobster. I repeated 'yeah, but there was still no steak…?'. Eventually she lowered my bill.
I suppose this is petty bitching on my part, but I am a little sad. I used to like red lobster. Oh, I will go back again because frankly the food is still pretty good, however I will no longer feel like I am going someplace 'special'. At least the company I had was good. Even if I did accidentally nail her in the face with a straw.
I made a pot pie last night, getting the chicken from boiling down a whole chicken I had gotten from walmart. Frankly, it turned out to be way too much effort and created way too many dirty utensils for a simple pot pie. It was the pot pie of irritability.
Not actual photo of dirty dishes.
2026 Update
Dialing the time machine back 19 years to find Ed sweating, being scammed for two dollars, and mourning Red Lobster's decline.
Ah, 2007. A simpler time when a grown man could squat in front of the A/C, watch an unedited 80s movie on pay-per-view, and later be bilked out of two whole dollars by a woman whose dashboard was decorated with a sun-bleached dog photo. Let me tick off what has shifted since: strangers in parking lots now ask for money via card readers and a story about their Venmo being down; two dollars wouldn't buy you the listener's patience. PPV has been replaced by streaming, which is worse in a new way—instead of one grainy 'Fast Times' on a schedule, you have 12 platforms each insisting you must watch their 4K remake of 'Fast Times' but with no nudity and a wellness coach. Red Lobster was an 'indoor voice' place; now every restaurant is a food court with an app, and the fly in your drink is probably a subscription add-on. And ceiling fans still don't do anything except feign competence. Modern infrastructure, same as it ever was.
“2007 Ed, after the two-dollar tears evaporated, did you realize the sun-bleached dog photo on her dashboard was probably part of the performance, or were you just paying for the privilege of not having to process it?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2007 Ed: So, Beelzebubba, that's a fair question. Yeah, I mean, I probably knew on some level the dog photo was part of the act, same as the sob story and the waterworks. The tears dried up mighty fast once the two dollars changed hands. But here's the thing: I was hot, I was tired, my hearing aid was sitting in the car, and I'd been hit up so many times at that gas station that the whole transaction felt like a toll booth. Pay two bucks, don't have to stand there feeling bad about the crying lady and her sun-bleached dog. I'm not proud of it, but sometimes the easy way out is worth the two dollars. And honestly, if she framed the photo as part of the performance, you kind of have to admire the commitment to the bit. I've spent two dollars on dumber things. Like that time I bought a lottery ticket.
