Friday night I was in a hermit mood. So I stocked up on three horror movies, six beers, and one bag of Doritos. I got through two movies and four beers and most of a bag of Doritos before I drifted off into a beer-and-Doritos coma. I think too many Doritos can give you a hangover much worse than any form of alcohol.
Saturday I puttered around and visited thrift shops, however there did not seem to be any tasty bits of junk to tempt my wallet. I then went to Home Depot to pick up three more fence sections, an act that turned out to be considerably more complicated than it sounded. The fence sections I wanted were not only still clamped together on a pallet with big metal bands, they were also piled too high for me to reach. So I had to summon home depot help and waited about fifteen minutes before a couple of surly depot workers showed up. They managed to get my fence sections on to one of those metal-wheeled thingies. After I paid I pushed my load towards the door, only to find the fence sections were too wide to fit out the door. So I had to find someone else to open the 'big door' and wheel them out that way. I then spent some time in the sun muscling those big fence sections into the back of my truck.
By time I got them all loaded I eyeballed a Duncan Donuts nearby and through a nice iced coffee was in order. Little did I know that going into that Donut shop would turn into an ordeal to test my patience? When I walked in there were only about four people in line in front of me. Not too bad. So I stood and waited. And waited. And waited. Twenty minutes went by before I actually got up to the register. I was unbelievable how complicated the people behind the register were making simple orders. At this point I was extremely thirsty. Usually at fast food joins fifteen minutes is my limit. If I have been waiting in line for fifteen minutes and I still have not ordered, I walk out the door and go somewhere else. But I kept thinking about how cool and tasty an ice coffee would be.
So I finally get up there and order my coffee. Then the 'ordeal' began.
Me: One large iced coffee please. Idiot: iced coffee? Me: Yes, a large. Idiot: What size? Me: A large. Idiot: (holding her hands apart) ya mean the Big'Un? Me: Yes. Large. (Idiot rings it up, wanders away, comes back) Idiot: Coffee machine dun broke. Me: what? Idiot: It dun broke. Me: So there is no iced coffee to be had? Idiot: No. Me: So I stood in line for twenty minutes for nothing? Idiot: (shrugs) (long pause) Idiot: Well, waddya want? Me: Well, obviously, I want my money back. Idiot: (wanders away, comes back with fat manager) He want he money back. Manger: Why? Me: Because I never got my iced coffee! Idiot: It dun broke. Manger: (peering over a set of glasses) Lets see if I can figure this out…
Long story short; after a while the manager had to ring up a single donut hole in order to get the register open to get my change back. At that point I was fuming. I really wanted to make a scene, but I decided to keep my cool. You never know when you are going to blow your stack and have it caught on camera, like the guy in the video below. Next thing you know the judge would be saying 'You get so upset over a cup of coffee?' and send me to anger management class.
I never did get my Iced coffee.
I spent Saturday and Sunday getting the rest of the fence sections up. They were tricky to get up in a couple of spots because I could not put a post in the ground because it was next to a base of a tree. So I had to get 'creative' with a couple of the post settings. It took some time, however I finally got all the sections up. I need a few more to completely seal off the entire back yard, but it's a good start. At least the batshit dog cannot look at me any more.
Saturday night I was feeling restless so I pedaled my bike around Sanford. First I stopped into 'The West End'. Alas, their ten dollars all you can drink supertankers are only on Wednesday nights now. However, they did have yards of yuengling for five dollars, so I had nothing to complain about. Also, they covered the floor in the bar with white sugar sand. So you walk in there and you are at the beach. Or something.
After that I rode over to the new artsy 'Huge Fish Little Pond' place for a couple more beers and a plate of nachos. The owners are really friendly and laid back, and they had some dude playing a guitar/harmonica combo who would wander right up in front of you with his playing, which amused me for some reason. It's a neat place to hang out and if you have not visited it yet, well, then you are just not hip and cool.
http://www.littlefish-hugepond.com/
Hooray! Back fence!
Mr. OddEyes approves.
2026 Update
Setting the dial to 2007: Ed's weekend plan is fence panels, horror movies, and a doomed iced coffee.
Ah, 2007. A simpler time, Ed. You had to physically drive to Home Depot, wait for surly workers to unband a pallet, and then discover your fence sections wouldn't fit through the door. Now you'd order that fence online, and a drone would drop it on your roof and you'd still have to figure out how to get it down. You stood in line for twenty minutes for an iced coffee that didn't exist because the machine 'dun broke.' These days you'd just open an app, see the wait time is 45 minutes, and go somewhere else. The register couldn't make change without a manager ringing up a donut hole; now the register is a glowing tablet that never opens and never closes, just judges you silently. And you call that cashier an idiot—but in 2026 you'd be arguing with a kiosk's 'please try again' loop and no one would even shrug at you. The bar with sugar sand and a roaming guitar man? Probably now it's a 'curated intimate venue' with a QR code menu and a two-drink minimum. Yes, Ed, the world has traded surly humans for surly algorithms. It's not better. It's just faster.
“2007 Ed, after twenty minutes of waiting and a broken iced coffee machine, you still called the cashier an idiot instead of just walking out like your fifteen-minute rule demands—what exactly were you hoping to achieve by lingering? And did you really spend all weekend on that fence just to stop the batshit dog from looking at you, or was it for the neighbors' sake?” — Beelzebubba the Third
2007 Ed: Well, Beelzebubba, that's a fair question and I wish I had a smarter answer. The fifteen-minute rule is real, but I think thirst had replaced my brain by then. It was one of those slow-motion disasters where you keep thinking, 'any second now this gets better,' and then it doesn't, and suddenly you're locked into the sunk cost of twenty whole minutes. Walking out would've meant admitting I'd wasted all that time for nothing, which is somehow worse than standing there stewing. As for the fence? Mostly it was the dog. That beast staring at me through the gap made me feel like I was living in a nature documentary. The neighbors can think what they want, but I wasn't about to give that animal the satisfaction of eye contact every morning. So yeah, I built a fence to win a staring contest with a crazy dog. Droll, ain't it?
