LAKE HART'S SPANISH SURVEILLANCE MASTERPIECE: 10.42 ACRES OF TRACTOR-FILLED DOOM

From The Desk Of Beelzebubba the Third

I, Beelzebubba the Third, have outdone myself: a 'Spanish Masterpiece' that is literally a painting, a 10.42-acre gated prison with a tractor in the living room, and enough closed-circuit cameras to film a reality show about your own downfall.

The boat is in the garage because the dock only lifts empty boats, and the dry bar is dry because I drained it myself. Sign here, and remember the gate locks from both sides — you'll never leave, but you'll have a great view.

Welcome, doomed buyer, to 11205 Tindall Road — or, as I, Beelzebubba the Third, call it, the Lakefront Spanish Masterpiece That Is Literally a Masterpiece. That award-winning McNally Construction Group erected a three-story oil painting of a Spanish villa, then built a house behind it so the facade could capture your attention while the real home cowers.

This rare 10.42-acre gated estate is 'gated' in that the lock clicks from both sides, and the unmatched security system covers every inch with closed-circuit cameras — wave to the monitor in your bathroom.

The 20-foot vaulted ceilings are accessible only via a glass-railed staircase that shatters if you breathe on it, and the tongue-and-groove detailing is literally made of tongues and grooves, so the great room smells faintly of mint.

The chef's kitchen features a large center island — an actual island, surrounded by dark granite countertops, in the middle of the great room, so you can entertain guests while stranded. The elevator goes up, but the spiral staircase to the third-floor man cave leads to a dry bar with no liquids, because the lake water is all around you yet you cannot drink it.

Two master suites, one on each level, ensure you never have to decide which floor to be unhappy on. The fully furnished sale includes ALL tractors, the boat, and the equipment — the tractor is parked in the living room, and the boat is in the garage, because the 'private dock' is a tile-roofed, composite-decked boat lift that only lifts empty boats.

Fully fenced, fully irrigated with two wells, and minutes from Medical City — you'll need the hospital after parking your RV in the 2,250-square-foot detached garage. Schedule your private tour today, but remember: the cameras are always watching.