Own Lake Killarney's Wettest 'Homesite' — Includes Water Rights and a Sinking Feeling

From The Desk Of Beelzebubba the Third

Beelzebubba the Third here, and I've got the rarest thing in Winter Park: a lakefront lot that's 90% lake and 10% paperwork! Why build on solid ground when you can build on a legal fiction with a dock to nowhere? Sign here—the pen floats.

Behold the future site of your dream water-view estate—assuming your dream involves viewing the water from inside the water. This rare corner homesite is not merely adjacent to Lake Killarney; it is arguably part of it, as the survey stakes are currently six feet under and the property line is enforced by a family of catfish.

The seller calls it a 'double-lot assemblage'; I call it one soggy parcel plus the puddle that sued it for palimony.

You will enjoy direct access to this spring-fed, skiable body of water, and with your included water rights, you may legally remove one bucketful each morning and call it 'improvement.' The existing 1,260 square feet of 'home' is a tipped-over garden shed with one bathroom that drains directly into the living room, and the four bedrooms are marked in chalk.

A private dock is absolutely buildable, provided you first build the land it stands on—I recommend a barge. You are minutes from Park Avenue, Winter Park Village, and Rollins College if you swim fast, making this the perfect balance of lake life, tranquility, and a slow sinking feeling. 'Priced to encourage redevelopment' is realtor code for the county hopes you make it someone else's problem.

Buy one or both parcels and assemble a landmark residence so ambitious it requires scuba gear. Opportunities to own on Lake Killarney are exceptionally limited because they are underwater.