The Cut-de-Sac Sea: 4,459 Sq Ft of Seamless Indoor-Outdoor Living You'll Regret

From The Desk Of Beelzebubba the Third

Beelzebubba the Third here, and I've outdone myself: this brand-new Winter Park monster doesn't just blur the line between indoors and out—it vaporizes it. You'll pay $3.25 million for the privilege of living in a covered lanai with a propane-scented pool that flows into the foyer. Step inside—if you can find an inside.

Welcome to 4,459 square feet of just-completed new construction, completed at 11:59 last night, so the nails are still warm and the warranty is already expired. Tucked away on a quiet cut-de-sac—not a cul-de-sac: the road was literally cut in half, and you own the stump.

This established neighborhood has been established since before Florida had indoor plumbing, and the surrounding beautiful newer residences are taller, closer, and all aimed at your pool. The impressive entry foyer sets the tone: all the money went to the foyer. Five en-suite bedrooms and six full baths mean you can never be alone without a toilet nearby.

Two laundry rooms serve each floor, yet both reject anything made of silk. The chef's kitchen has Thermador appliances and a smart switch that turns off the lights just as you reach for the garlic press.

Expansive living spaces are anchored by an indoor fireplace—literally anchored, with a ship's anchor bolted to the slab, because the last one floated away. The space flows seamlessly to the covered lanai, where a second fireplace, an outdoor kitchen, and a private pool create year-round Florida living. Translation: the wall is a suggestion, the rain is a roommate, and the gas lanterns hiss like a flat tire.

Lush tropical plants grow through the lanai's floor cracks, giving the home a distinctive sense of arrival and timeless curb appeal—because the curb is the only part that will last. The oversized garage is bigger than the living area, which is convenient because you'll be sleeping there after the humidity dissolves your drywall.

Integrated smart-home features include cameras, alarm, smart switches, and Sonos speakers; the speakers announce your movements to the neighborhood. Zoned for sought-after schools—sought after by every parent in a three-county radius, and now by you.