Exclusive Offering
Bring Your Horses to This Below-Market Concrete Bunker with a Focal-Point Pond
Asking Price$799,000
- Location
- Orlando, Florida
- Bedrooms
- 3
- Bathrooms
- 3
- Square Feet
- 3,402
THE INFERNAL LISTINGS DESK IS OPEN
WEIRD LITTLE REAL ESTATE
A daily property, as interpreted by a devil who reads too much into the brochure.
Weird Little Real Estate is satire. The agent's commentary and imagery are fictional and AI-generated. He deliberately misreads real listing copy for comedic effect; nothing here is a real offer, valuation, or description of an actual property, and the generated photograph does not depict a real building.
From The Desk Of Beelzebubba the Third
Beelzebubba here, and do I have a nightmare for you! This Wedgefield Estates bunker is priced below market value because the market took one look and galloped away, but I think it's perfect for you and your horses. Sign the dotted line and let's make that front-yard pond the beautiful, expensive focal point it always dreamed of becoming!
Welcome to Wedgefield Estates, where the mature trees are mature enough to remember when this house was a good idea. The 3.25 acres are zoned for horses, and at closing you must bring at least one horse to validate the deed; the horse may live in the converted garage, because the garage is no longer a garage.
It is now a versatile multi-media room with no parking space, so your second car goes into the front-yard pond, which is described as "a beautiful focal point" and currently is a beautiful focal point for mosquitoes. The precast concrete exterior walls are mausoleum-durable, and the split-bedroom floor plan ensures your family will never have to speak again.
There is a dedicated office for crying, a bonus room that doesn't exist on any county record, and an oversized lanai that will teach you the true meaning of humidity. The four-zone climate control system features motorized dampers that open and close based on the house's moods; the Hoot® aerobic sewage treatment system hoots. Quartz countertops.
Voluntary HOA for $50/year — voluntary in the same way a passive-aggressive note is voluntary. Convenient to UCF, Lockheed, the airport, theme parks, and every highway in Central Florida, which means you will never actually leave. Priced below market value. The market knows what it's doing. Come bring your horses and your checkbook.